


The Shruperts

by apliddell



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Fake Relationship, M/M, shrupert, this started out as a joke...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 00:06:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11817054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apliddell/pseuds/apliddell
Summary: Dwight and Jim pose as a couple to make a sale, then go for a little celebratory drink.





	The Shruperts

**Author's Note:**

> I owe this to Stacey. Thanks a lot, Stacey.

“Saddle up, Stinky; it’s Shrupert time,” Dwight tossed a new pack of Jim Shrupert business cards onto Jim’s desk. Jim glanced at the card stuck to the outside of the box and saw that, according to Dwight, Jim’s title was ‘Junior Assistant Salesboy.’ 

He smiled, “Dwight, we’ve been over this so many times. I’m Handsome; you’re Stinky.”

Dwight scoffed, “Who’s going to believe that? You’re the one with all that greasy hair hanging in your face, wearing a shirt you slept in.”

Jim reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a quarter from his vending machine fund, “Okay, I’ll flip you for it. Heads I’m Handsome; tails you’re Stinky.” 

“Fine,” Dwight snapped, holding out a hand. “But I’m flipping.”

“You got it,” said Jim cheerfully, handing over the coin. Dwight flipped. Tails. “Better luck next time, Stinky,” Jim clapped him on the back. 

Dwight ground his teeth for a moment, “Just get your coat, okay? We’re gonna be late. I’ll drive. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a Corolla.”

Jim stood with a smile and headed for the coat rack, “There’s that brotherly love.”

“Ummm, incorrect,” Dwight said, coming up behind Jim. “We’re not brothers this time; we’re husbands.”

“What?” Jim pulled on his own coat and handed Dwight his. 

Dwight huffed impatiently as he put on his own coat, “The client we’ll be selling to is a small printing company owned by a pair of recently married homosexuals. We’re going to pretend to be a couple also. Oh here. You need this.” Dwight reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a wedding band made of some dark metal. 

Jim took it, noticing that Dwight was wearing an identical one on his own left hand, “Where’d you get two men’s wedding rings on short notice?”

“I melted down some old iron tools I found in my barn last night and made them, dumbass. Hurry up.” 

…

It only took them twenty minutes to close the sale. 

That put Dwight in a good mood. “Nice work, Handsome,” he said, letting Jim into the passenger side of his Trans Am. He glared at Jim’s reflection, “What?”

Jim grinned back, “You called me Handsome.”

“You won the coin toss.” Dwight went around to the driver’s side and got in, frowning suspiciously, “It seems like you always win. You’re not a metalbender, are you?”

Jim shook his head, “I don’t know what that is.”

Dwight snorted, “Fictional, for one thing. Learn to recognize a joke when you hear one, Shrupert.” 

Jim laughed and draped his arm over Dwight’s shoulders, “Okay dear, I’ll try.” Jim expected Dwight to shrug the arm off immediately, but for some reason, he didn’t. Jim withdrew it slowly and rubbed his hands together, “Hey, it’s like twenty to five. Seems stupid to drive ten minutes back to the office and leave ten minutes after that. Wanna just knock off a little early and get a beer or something?”

Dwight bobbed his head in consideration as he started up the car, “Why?”

Jim shrugged, “Why not? We did good. Let’s celebrate.”

…

The bar at Poor Richard’s was crowded with frat boys, so Jim and Dwight got a booth and ordered a pitcher of beer and a basket of curly fries. Dwight liked to slurp the fries one by one like spaghetti noodles. They weren’t noodles, and they didn’t slurp very easily, but he didn’t seem to mind. Jim nursed his second beer and tried not to smile too much. 

It didn’t work. “What are you so happy about?” Dwight demanded presently. 

Jim shook his head, still smiling, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” 

Dwight pushed aside the basket of fries between them, puffing up a little bit, “Try me.” 

Jim sipped his beer again, “Okay.” He set his glass down, “I like you.” Dwight only stared at him, “Do you know what I mean by that?”

“Sexually,” Dwight answered, still sort of staring. “Now that I think about it, it doesn’t surprise me. Men find me desirable. I didn’t know before, though, or I wouldn’t have asked you to be my husband. That was insensitive. I apologize if I hurt your gay feelings.” 

Jim worked off the wedding ring he’d forgotten he was still wearing and held it out, “No, that’s okay. It was just Shrupert stuff; I know that.” He handed the ring back, and Dwight put it away in his pocket. “So what do you say?” Jim persisted. 

“What do I say about what?”

“Do you think you might wanna go on a date with me?”

Dwight slurped up another curly fry thoughtfully, “What kind of date?”

Jim shrugged, “I dunno, really. I’m not super picky; I just wanna hang out with you some more, outside work. You like paintball, right? We could go paintballing.”

Dwight nodded slowly, “You wouldn’t expect mercy on the battlefield, would you? Paintball is no time to get sentimental. I have a reputation to uphold, and I’m not going to get all gooey with you, just because it’s our second date.” 

Jim grinned, “So that’s a yes?”

Dwight nodded, “If you can adhere to my stipulations.”

Jim laughed, “Yeah, I can definitely adhere. No mercy on the battlefield.” 

“All right then,” Dwight lifted his glass with a little nod, and Jim clinked his against Dwight’s. 

“So does that mean this is our first date?” Jim asked after he’d sipped his beer and set his glass down. 

“I think so. What’s the difference between a date and a beer?”

“I’ll show you,” Jim leaned across the table, and Dwight met him halfway. They kissed. 

“Yes,” Dwight nodded with satisfaction as he settled back into his side of the booth. “It’s a date.”


End file.
